Kleenex boxes, sleepless nights and endless conversations with your girlfriends! You are convinced that the world is coming to an end. He dumped you! He said he loves you and two days later, checked out. You consulted relationship experts, books and advice columns. They all told you the same thing: It takes time to get over it!
Yes, it does, but it really matters how you use this time. After being dumped, you feel inferior, even if the relationship was toxic. Being dumped without your consent is a huge attack on your ego. He just made you feel inadequate, unattractive and plain unlovable. You label yourself with the negative feelings you just experienced and sink deeper into the inferiority trap. Binge eating, depression, isolation, anxiety and loss of control are very common. Yes, your world just turned upside down and you feel incapable of going on, but you must stop digging your own grave. Even if there is a chance that he might come back, he will not come back to the same person you once were. For this reason and your own sake, you must opt for positive revenge.
Here is the reality of being dumped: He didn't decide against you, he simply decided to move on without you. He will never tell you the real reason why he left. His reason may have nothing to do with you! Accept it and move on. Easier said than done? Not for Jenni! She had been dumped so many times and became an expert. She figured out where she went wrong or why she missed the signs. She realized that most of these relationships were already broken, before the final dump. Even during grief, she refused to surrender to the pain. She never gave her power away to those who hurt her.
She always knew there would be another love. Every dumping experience moved her closer to where she is today: Madly in love with the right person. Jenni opted for positive revenge. She decided to be happy and find true love. She kept the vision and never lost hope. After each roller-coaster relationship, she was free to become a better person inside and out. Free to develop into a strong, independent person ready for the real thing. On her wedding day, she thanked all the men who set her free. These past relationships were rehearsals along her journey. She was the expert on speed-recovery indulging in the joy of being dumped:
Destroy everything that reminds you of him
Never call, send e-mails or letters to him
Never drive by his house
Refuse to be friends with him
Don't buy into getting-back-together later
Don't exhaust your friends, get a coach instead
Decide to be happy and act the part
Eat healthy and loose weight (if you should)
Boost your mood by working out
Engage in sports
Get a facial and new make-up
Buy new outfits
Read what nurtures your soul
Write a list of all the great things about you
Listen to music that lifts your spirit
Learn a new skill
Get out of your rut
Do things on the spur of the moment
Reconnect with friends and family
Re-decorate your home
Make plans and travel
Start dating and find someone better
Jenni always emerged after the post-dump phase looking more attractive, younger, healthier and happier. She always became more evolved, more interesting, smarter and more confident. She always turned up with better men and ultimately with her one and only. Looking great, being healthy, fit and happy is the most effective revenge. Finding someone better is the ultimate revenge and you will, if you follow Jenni's tips.
(c) Allie Ochs
is a speaker, relationship coach and author of: Are You Fit to Love?. Her book has received the honorable mention at the USA 2004 Best Book Awards. She has appeared on TV, Radio and is
published in numerous magazines and newsletters.
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