Sacred Love - Healing a Broken Heart; Part 1
By Christopher Walker
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Books by Chris Walker
Live with an open heart. Move to love. Accept the diversity of love. Don't run away, have the courage to change your consciousness around love. Hold your love for life supreme, devote your life to it. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your love is too precious to be sacrificed defending menial emotions like hate, jealously, and envy. Your life is fragile, stay open in love, guard it carefully.
With an open heart we learn not to punish people for who they are. Other people can't belong to us, no matter how much we love them; our only right is to appreciate them. Don't allow support or challenge to distract you from doing what you love, being with who you love, and giving what you love. Give respect to people by honoring their choices even if you don't agree with them.
Love is not attachment. Do not react to negativity - ignore it, let it pass you; don't even hit the ball back. Never accept criticism you didn't ask for. Opinions are the cheapest commodity on earth. Their stress is not your stress, their fears and doubts are not your doubts. Only the universe of Nature can create the magnificence of a flower, but any foolish mind can pull it to pieces. So openhearted living is inspired living. You can be inspired simply by knowing that everything you feel was inside you, already. Someone just brought it out. And at least that makes you honest with yourself.
Beauty is Spirituality in Reality
During hardship, don't let faith in your spiritual world die. Know that you are always being guided, and sometimes, that guidance takes us into places we never would have chosen. But can you see that this is integrity because you devote something to your existence, and have the willingness to deal with where you are taken? You asked for leadership and you are getting it. Work with the laws of nature and you can find beauty in the darkness, healing. Sometimes we get a flood or drought, a brush fire, and all manner of things come to us even though we never overtly asked for them. The key is to learn from our life, not resent it.
Without knowing you, I can only surmise the cause of your current circumstances. Nature's laws reveal the guidance you are being given.
When a person is deeply challenged at a personal level, and beginning to feel angry and hopeless, it is because they have lost their real dream. Sometimes in these circumstances we try to live someone else's. It is a sort of suicide of the spirit. Emotional challenge asks a person, "What is your dream?" If you have defined your life as what you own, how you feel, or who you are with, you have built a very problematic existence and your spiritual path may be blocked.
When the wind has blown hard against the tree, is there still a tree? When the flood has stripped the earth, is there still an earth? We are continually being stripped of our ego, to find all that is lovable, our guided path; so no matter what you do, you are wonderful, guided and worthy.
I can help you answer the question, "What is my dream?" It is very easy. You take some spare time and go into the forest and find stillness. Then, unravel the knot that has become tangled. Let the stories unfold so that your heart can be open again. Learn from experiences rather than fight them. There is no use in anger, or even analysis; there is simply growth. Heal by finding the beauty in others.
To heal, we must see beauty without reason, and to achieve that, simply diversify your outlook. See what is beautiful in something bad, and you will have crossed the line. Your life force, which is what people feel when they are near you, will be released from its judgment. We cannot do anything productive while we are suffering disappointment from the past or false hope for the future. We must learn to see the beauty in every circumstance. No victims.
You are a wonderful person who has a lot of love to give the world. Whatever job or relationship you have can bring out your best, happiest, and most spiritual self - if you can heal the hurt and step forward with an inspired attitude. Find the beauty in everything.
The word for the heart in Arabic is "qalb" and literally means "that which fluctuates."
the heart expands and contracts, and even in its purified condition passes through many states. The subtle faculties of the heart are our deepest knowing. That knowing is frequently veiled or confused by more superficial levels of the mind - by opinions, desires, social conditioning and especially by our fears. The veils of conditional thought may obscure the mirror of the heart by the soot of emotions, by the corrosion of negative attitudes. In fact, we easily confuse the ego's emotions with the feelings of the heart.
Overcoming the need to react
You already know your love
You already know your love
And all the judgments are just the dance around it.
Blaming him, blaming her, these are just lies.
Even if you find a guru to agree with you
They are lying too
Blame is a lie, it feeds the ego, and the ego can only lie.
Ego cannot be authentic, it can only copy, react, duplicate, replicate.
Love is the spark that makes a fire.
The flames are the ego.
Never let that spark go out.
Without it, there is no fire.
During challenge, try to be in the moment, quietly, and do not talk too much. Fast response to challenge is not likely to result in anything thoughtful. The best thing is to be as quiet as possible, and to think about the matter for awhile before expressing your reaction. If somebody says they want to know right away, you can say, "Well, I don't know right this second, but I'll tell you tomorrow". Avoid answers that come in that moment.
Reaction to another person is like throwing petrol on a fire. It serves only to create tension. It should become obvious in life that reacting to people places them far from their own true nature, far from their own true spirit, and is a great cause of broken harmony. To this end, harmony should be akin to stability. Stability however can only come from inner stillness.
The greatest reactions are those made by people to some form of insult or accusation. The more accurate the accusation, the greater the reaction. It serves neither person to react. Every reaction creates another action. The sign of a wise manager of a business is one who does not react – one who holds the calm until all the facts are gathered.
Remember, you always have choice as to how you respond to any situation. There is a wise way and an unwise way. Wise is to see the balance, the two sides of it and then choose the action. Unwise is to see one side of a thing and then react; one is powerful and truth, the other is illusion, it is a choice.
The best way to know God is to love many things. -Vincent Van Gogh
Love goes deeper and deeper when you learn to be in the moment, quiet, and not talk too much. Then you will experience a deeper awareness of life. Fast response to challenge is not likely to result in anything thoughtful, so the best thing to do is to be as quiet as possible, and to think about matters. To cultivate this true love, we need to get away from our conventional environment from time to time and create the spaciousness for clarity. We need to create seclusion for ourselves, to sit peacefully in the clarity of solitude, illuminated by emptiness.
If the mind is happy, the heart will be true, and then the body will be relaxed. We must find out how to become happy within, without achieving anything. Wanting to celebrate a loving relationship without discovering some level of self contentment is like trying to cover the whole world with leather to avoid the pain of walking on stones and thorns. It is of course, much simpler to wear shoes.
Emotion causes arguments. You react, then they react, and then you react; the pressure builds until there is a screaming match. Emotion is like a pressure cooker; the heat under it is lopsided thinking, and the frustration is building inside. Eventually you can't take the lid off because there is so much pressure in there.
That's why pressure cookers have that little pressure relief valve on the top. And so do you. You must create a pressure relief valve for yourself, not so you can stop feeding the emotion, but so you can stop bursting with steam, and try to see the two sides of something.
Two people can only argue if both of them are emotional. If you see the other person's point of view and they are still emotional, then they must surely be arguing with themselves.
I use this response when people give me their worst insult. For example, guys who are insecure and want to compete. They to do the "I'm better than you thing." They say in an aggressive tone, "You are a ........." Of course they are hoping I will turn around and say "You are too" which is grounds for a street fight. But I just turn around, look at them and say, "Yeah, I know" and keep walking. The is Mahatma Gandhi's way. He said, "Accept every insult without resistance and it's like handing the issue right back to the giver."
All our emotional arguments, all the tears, anger and stress are created out of imbalanced thinking. Stupid isn't it? It is such a denial of what is blatantly obvious in nature. Religions are the lifeblood of lopsided thinking. That is how they separate you from God and give themselves a job.
The lower that people move down the consciousness tree, the more violent they become. At the bottom of that consciousness cone, people are very righteous, fundamental, "I am right you are wrong." This is a very violent argument. As you rise up the cone, the level of emotion is exactly the same, arguments can be quite passionate but there is not all or nothing mind space. There is the ability to take it easy, to see the other person's viewpoint, and therefore there is more arbitration.
At the top we see both sides. The argument is the same as at the bottom, same topic different process. At the bottom people argue one side or the other. At the top people argue in order to see both sides. Balanced information always exists to every debate.
At the top of the cone it is a search for balance. At the bottom, where it is violent and rejecting, there is an attempt to find imbalance, one side or the other.
You are the breeze
Gentle soul, you are the breeze that kisses my skin
Beneath the pines
And I hear you whisper into my heart
I see your sunlight
It brushes my lips
And we are together
The world is gone
We are in love, forever.
Beyond Arguments dealing with Emotional Challenge
There are always options as to how you react. Say you find out your car was stolen just before you are going to the airport. One solution is to fly into a rage, swearing and cursing, spinning with anger at those thieves, and completely cutting years off your life. That's the emotional reaction. The other reaction is, "Well I see the bad side and man that makes me angry, I feel really angry, but there must be an upside to this. Now I won't have to store the car while I am gone. Maybe it means someone is feeding their family tonight (selling it), maybe the insurance will cover it. Maybe we can think of buying a different car when we get back."
The key to healing a broken heart is to love more. The pain of a broken heart is emotional blockage which stops love. But there is no need to stop loving someone just because they are not with you. If they hurt you, lied to you, or cheated on you, then you can be really truthful and admit, "No more than I did to myself". All that aside, just because somebody doesn't do what you thought they were going to do, it is not a signal to stop loving them. Just a signal to love them more.
The more you love something, or someone, the less you are attached to them. If you emotionalise, then you are attached and can't survive without them. Or you can be so angry that you can't feel how much you love them. However, if this happens, you go back out into the world bitter, and people smell your bitterness. Then, the only relationships you can have are bitter ones. So it is better to love the past, admire their gifts and their beauty, and simply say, "That past relationship failed because I wasn't ready to love that person enough. I drew the line at something."
Beware of forgiveness. This is a really bad place to get stuck in moving forward. There is an implied notion in forgiveness that you are the victim and they are the criminal. This is not really going to heal anything, although it's far better than hate. The healed place of the past is admiration. If you speak of your ex, then speak in admiration. If they were good enough to meet, they are still good enough to give thank you to.
Wish them happiness. That means you aren't responsible for their happiness. You wish them love and happiness. Then you are not in the loop anymore. You simply do all you can, as a citizen of the earth, to make another human being's life good. You don't take credit and don't take blame. Just love. Simply love them more and know that you have every trait you are condemning in them. So if you can admire them, you are admiring you, this is especially healthy.
If you react to the past and don't come to love the past, then you drag the past into the future. Your love will again be conditional, hell, because you'll end up living in a box, alone, surrounded by your baggage, and pretending you are happy without the love and affection of a lover.
Sacred Love requires work. It is easy to love a flower, it just sits in a pot and smiles. It is easy to love a dog, you are just stern with it, or give it a bone, and it is obedient. It's easy to love a person you hardly ever meet, because you can "tolerate" them for short stints. It's even easier to love a religion or spiritual philosophy because that icon sits there and never disagrees, never reveals your shame and anger. It fixes all those problems by patting you on the head and telling you that you did well by doing worship. It's easy to love kids. You just get them to do what you want and the world is happy. They can even live out some of your own missed hopes. Just load them up with your expectations to be what you failed to be. But relationship?
Now we are dealing with love. Love that is not easy. Don't you think its amazing that we can look up in the universe and admire all of creation. We can admire imaginary Gods and spirits that we never saw. But when our partner contradicts us, we blame them and say, that is not God, that is not lovable. Then we climb on our high horse (the ego), and tell that lover they are unworthy of love and they had better change tomorrow.
There is nothing that can happen on earth that the creator didn't create. It all got created, then people wrote books. The whole of creation is made from love, then people wrote books trying to explain it. But their explanations are flawed because they are human; they are fear driven. All of life and all of creation is explained in love. People didn't write books and then create a world. You fall in love, in harmony with your creator, a love moment when your ego is asleep, and then it wakes up and individualises you, separates you from creation. This is where all our suffering comes from. Some people believe they can defy nature, but life is very long in this regard, 20 years is nothing. Debts are accrued – you can watch it.
The only thing in the entire universe that you can change, is your mind. Funny isn't it. It is the only thing you can change, and always the last.
Nobody can break your heart. Your heart can't break. Your mind can break, but your heart can't break. It feels like your heart is broken but it is not. Your mind got offended. So you tried to stop loving somebody, your mind stopped loving somebody. That is what "breaks your heart". Your mind got a challenge, your mind expected them to do one thing, and they did another. Then, you hated them, so you had to stop letting the love flow. But you can't stop loving. You must need to know how to love without having them. To love someone is not possessing them. To love someone, you don't even have to like them. Liking someone is not loving.
When you stop letting the love for somebody out, you hurt yourself. If you stop admitting that you love somebody, then you "break your own heart." Because your heart only knows one thing, it knows how to love. It doesn't know how not to love. So, when you block your love for somebody, you block it to yourself, your next partner, your next partner, and your next partner. You block it for your whole life. Especially if it is a parent that you block your love to.
unity comes from diversity.
The person who will love most,
will love with open palms.
A closed fist of control
is like the hardened crust of the earth,
waiting for an earth quake
to force a tsunami.
Soften the ego,
then you will learn to flex.
In relationship, it is easy to love when you first "fall in love", because your mind was out of the way and your heart was free to love. Then the mind remembers the past, and that unhealed love relationship starts to bring memories back in. Inch by inch your heart gets blocked by all the unfinished business from the past.
I went out with a lady who, many years before, had a teenage love affair. She was so badly affected by the loss of it, that her chest collapsed. From then on, all her partners were older men because she thought they would not "dump her" like that boy in her teens. She found she could love for the first weeks of a new affair, but after that, she was crazy in fear, hyper sensitive to all her issues. You could say she was very messed up, but really, it was a blockage in her heart to that one boy, so long ago, and it had never been fixed.
Really, when we talk of a broken heart we mean broken ego. That ego is our identity, so when someone breaks our expectations, we say we have a broken heart. This is why so many Eastern teachings try to get you past the ego, because that ego can raise you up in excitement and dump you down in a broken heart feeling. Western teachers of eastern philosophy confuse the whole issue. They try to use eastern teaching to elate you, to raise you up, thinking, in a white Anglo Saxon way, that there can be a life without sin. This is how the great eastern teachings about nature got polluted. Even eastern gurus who go to the west mix the whole teaching up because if they are honest, they will have no students. They are afraid of the truth, that there is a balance in nature.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
More Articles by Chris Walker
Keeping Love Sacred
Peace of Mind is not Peace
Sacred Love - Never Go Back
Letting Go of Relationship
Sacred Love - Quality Control in Relationships
Love is the Deepest Of Human Awakenings
The Path - Leadership Inspired
BIO - Chris Walker - Australia's Spiritual Realist Christopher Walker is a global expert in the application of Nature to human development. He's known as the Anti Guru Guru, The Spiritual Pit bull and the Heart and Soul Guy. Mr Innerwealth. www.ChrisWalker.com.au Chris lifts people's spirits and opens their heart. He is the author of many best selling books including the The Laws of Nature for a Better Relationship
and The Laws of Nature for a Better Business.
Chris is an international change agent and keynote speaker on self leadership and personal change. He runs treks to the Nepal Himalayas each year leading groups and entrepreneurs on self-discovery journeys to the two highest trekking peaks in the world. Chris lives in Sydney Australia where you'll find him practising natural meditation techniques in Sydney Harbour on his racing ski or sea kayak. Chris Walker has also worked with the Indigenous communities in Canada.
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