A sacred relationship takes two. Sometimes one or both people are just not ready. To move into a sacred relationship, the individual you choose must be ready. If they are desperate, they say, "Got to do this" and "Got to do that", and they are not ready.
If they are always saying, "You should be like this", or "You should be like that" then they are not ready. If they are always saying, "I want and I need this from you", then they are not ready. And finally, if your lover says, "I love you," and waits for an answer, like "I love you too", beware, that is just a "got to" in disguise.
This includes their lifestyle. Many people are not healed from their ex so they will say to you, "He or she, hasn't let go", but that is the victim speaking. They haven't let go. Your lover might say, "I maintain a relationship with my ex-partners and that is who I am", then they are not ready for sacred love. You must be the focus, and ex-lovers must get to know a new we. Relationship demands letting go of those things we are attached to and grabbing hold of our current lover. Holding the past and demanding that it comes into the future, sabotages love.
For the vast majority of people, healing the past, turning up happy and ready for love is a slow and deliberate process. You need to be respectful that you are not demanding something from your lover that they promise with all their heart to do, but just cannot.
If you are not discerning, then you may find yourself feeling betrayed. They may make promises to love you and be your sacred lover, but they are still fighting to heal the past. Then your heart will break over and over. That person who thinks they are healed, but has not healed, will be unable to meet you in love. They will accidentally betray you, because they simply cannot grow up.
Never Go Back
The word "never" is a very low consciousness term. So the heading of this advice is more provocative than it needs to be. However, it is sound advice. It would make breaking up so much easier, moving on so much clearer, and the healing process so much more thorough if we could all listen to this ancient advice - Never go back.
Everything looks good from a distance. But the issues that caused the break up will still be there, the person who hurt you will hurt you again, and really, unless you are prepared to do honest healing, it is sound advice.
Then we can add unless. Unless you are prepared to really invest in healing. Healing in this case means. 1. You acknowledge that it was your behavior alone that caused the breakup; 2. That you do to others what your ex-partner did to you; 3. That what you don't appreciate you lose; 4. That nobody does to you more than you do to yourself; 5. That love is not a prison. If you are filled with stress, feeling unromantic and distracted, someone else steps in to fill the void; 6. That healing means unconditionally thanking your lover for the pain, the growth, and the love you now feel for them.
Self-respect is an essential ingredient if you are to give love to yourself, and most importantly, to others. You cannot give what you haven't got. True Love begins and ends with true love for yourself. Therefore, you must know yourself, learn to think for yourself, look after yourself, wait on yourself, and to act on your own intuitions. This is a crucial part of the development of self-respect. Self-respect is the stepping stone to self love. This is not an isolation or withdrawal, but the ability to trust your own convictions amongst the questions and turbulence of life. A flexibility must arise in you where there is no need to go into defense.
To achieve this you'll need to rise above your Ego, and the most accurate measure of that aim is to arrange your life so that mental disturbance does not become a hindrance. Adhere to the laws of balance in all your mental activity. Expectations are the ego's hands and the cause of all disturbances. Expectations breed suffering. If you can be a person whose expectations become the most flexible part of their world, then you can live in the highest order.
You can be tempted to take your emotional problems to an idyllic setting, where people come and feed you well, exercise you well and do these self-exploration exercises like jumping off poles and flying on ropes. They also provide daily workshops where your personal issues are processed. When I observe the results of most of those programs, I notice that they rarely teach people how to love their partner, (and therefore grow) but more often focus on how to solve their problems, more like blaming their partners. The programs legitimized the stories of the attendees, so the healing is all temporary.
Beware of teachers. Beware of teachers. Beware of teachers. Be discerning. It doesn't matter if someone has a yoga certificate or like me, wrote a book or two. Never put people on pedestals. The industry is not regulated. the qualifications and training are spurious, and the teachers themselves are often deeply in their own emotional drama.
Beware of Becoming the Problem Solver
When you fall in love, there is no condition for it, you simply fell. But then there may be a question regarding the emotional circumstances your partner has in their life, and whether they can create a loving relationship. Remember, that you are never a prophet in your own home. If you cannot accept and love your partner within the emotional drama they have created for themselves, or if they are too stressed to turn up for your love (and therefore want to be rescued all the time) then, it is wise to acknowledge that you are not going to be the catalyst for change in their life. What you get, is what you get. You can rarely change people from within a relationship.
Chris is an international change agent and keynote speaker on self leadership and personal change. He runs treks to the Nepal Himalayas each year leading groups and entrepreneurs on self-discovery journeys to the two highest trekking peaks in the world. Chris lives in Sydney Australia where you'll find him practising natural meditation techniques in Sydney Harbour on his racing ski or sea kayak. Chris Walker has also worked with the Indigenous communities in Canada.
Lucky Days Software - Based on your day and time of birth. Calculates your luckiest days to meet someone new, get married, start a new project, invest, etc... No astrology knowledge is needed. Free Evaluation. Tested successfully on the BBC.