What could be more perfect than a man with a touch that can transform even a handshake into a sensual caress; the suave sophisticate who knows all the little romantic cafés and bistros in town; the free spirit who waltzes you to romantic "exotic places" just because he feels like it; a giving man for whom no jewelry, car or house is too expensive for his beloved; a thoughtful man who knows what you want and need before you even think about it; the poetic artist who communicates how precious you are to him in beautiful words; the adventurous warrior who gives you the most thrillingly magical experiences of your entire life; the man who says to you, "I have loved many women, but not the way I love you. For me, you are the one, the only one. There will never be another one, not ever!"
It's in our nature to yearn for the heart-throbbing and pulse-pounding emotions and excitement of romance. But when we clothe our ideals, feelings and desires in romantic idealization, the ecstasy of a fantasy romance blurs the boundaries between the real and unreal dreams of fairyland.
The chances of us being swept off our feet by the Fox with a Red Rose who knows how to play to our romantic fantasies, but without the emotions of love, are very high. For him, it's simply entertainment, a conquest, a show/tale of his romantic self and his romance skills. Once he has played the character and role to his satisfaction, he gets bored and goes to seek the "thrill of romance" elsewhere.
And while you are curled up in a fetus position, crying your bleeding heart out, Mr. Romance Incarnate doesn't feel any remorse, because in his mind you fell victim to your own romantic fantasies or the romantic fantasies of someone else. I am afraid he is so right!
We were not born to carry out others' unreal fantasy expectations of us; nor should we place that burden on another flesh-and-blood human being. For the most part, once the magic potion of "romance" wears off and we finally see the real person, we are disappointed. But until our fairytale fantasies are no longer the controlling force in our search for love (and in our relationships), we will continue searching for that perfect romantic man from the movies and romance novels. We will make life miserable for the unfortunate men who happen to genuinely fall in love with us but don't know how to or simply can't play the "perfect character" in our unreal fairyland fantasy.
Our "romantic fantasies" ought to be grounded in reality. A loving flesh-and-blood man doesn't have to be a "perfect character" like in the movies and romance novels. He is the man who:
1. Recognizes you as an equal and unique individual.
2. Accepts and loves you the good, the bad, the ugly, the stretch marks, cellulite, flab and all.
3. Demonstrates to you in special ways how well he knows you.
4. Is not ashamed or afraid to share his feelings, frustrations, fears and concerns with you.
5. Is easy to please; a simple man with much gratitiude.
6. Is generous with his time, his words, his space, his possessions -- and himself.
7. Invests in the right emotional climate, pleasurable memories and emotional experiences that can grow and multiply with time.
8. Is deliberately tender when he cuddles you, when he kisses you, when he makes love to you, and when you rest in his arms and fall asleep.
9. Thinks the world of you -- and does whatever is in his power to show the world what he sees in you -- and loves about you.
If you are with this kind of flesh-and-blood man, you might want to think twice before you leave him and go chasing for the Fox with a Red Rose! Romance is only a bonus -- and NOT a substitute for real love; the lasting kind that comes after meaningful sharing of your lives -- and sometimes much pain and suffering as you both work through your positives and negatives -- together.
And if you are "still looking for Mr. Right," I am not saying give up the dream in your heart, all I am saying is be careful of men with all romance and no love. With just a little tweaking of your "romantic fairytale" to match grounded reality, you just might find that your man drought has turned into a monsoon, raining loving flesh-and-blood men. You probably won't get everything in your "romantic fairytale" but you'll be with a man who knows how to love you.
The ripe world of loving men is yours for the picking!
And guys, some women are more perfect than others - be wary of the lady with a man-shopping list!
About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Dating Confidence/Relationships Coach who has devoted her life to the blending of indispensable age-old wisdom with modern realities into a prescription for passion, vitality, balance and effortlessness.
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