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Holding Pain

By Bruce Luther

Part One:

Who could not sympathize with the image of a child being struck by the hand of a violent parent, or the tears of a once bitter old man? The innocence of childhood moves into the regrets of old age and any description of life in between those stages can easily be understood by those who have encountered the same. We carry the pain of those events from their inception, to our death. Why do we carry the pain with us, and how to get rid of it once we discover its source?

We carry the pain, because we are taught and conditioned to do so. Our minds are preempted to play by the rules of current circumstances, not allowing us to see the environment for its honest nature. We respond and react to the world in the way nurtured and forced upon us by the society. Consider society a box. Each one of us is obligated to mold our awareness to fit into that particularly shaped box. A result of that mind-set is that we hold our pain and bury it down deep inside, because that is the orthodox behavior by the society. There is no open forum today, admitted by the society, to discuss any alternative understandings even though, we as the society have the exclusive power to do so.

We are reminded of the pain we keep, both physical and mental, by the manifestation of illness. An open sore on our person is easily recognized. Irrational behavior is also easily recognized, yet we do not comprehend the pain that we keep and the relationship of that pain to the illness itself. The medical community refuses the idea that the condition is brought on by our emotional and creative state. We alone create the illness to remind us to release the pain.

Anger is a sickness, the most common form recognized today. We, as human beings are more incensed collectively and it shows itself through the imbalance we have with the planet. Humanity holds a great deal of pain and that pain is reflected back to us by the temperament of the environment. Earth itself is manifesting its imbalance with us by its change in climatic and geological anomalies. While in a material reality each of us are connected to the whole of the reality and we must maintain a harmonious relationship with that environment. If we do not, than we are subject to the wide spread belief that we are faced with a biblical end to humanity.

When we experience a traumatic event, it is captured in each cell of our body and mind, harbored there until its release. Each time we observe a similar event to those in the memory of our cells, it causes a reaction in our physical and mental body. The response that is manifested by the observation of the occurrence, is dependent on the strength contained by our own personal experience to the like event. If we were abused as a child, and we see similar abuse to another child, our first reaction will be to re-experience our own personal event as if it were just transpiring. That reaction in turn creates other conditions, chemical and emotional. The chemical responses take place because of the nature of the body. The emotional reaction takes place because of our relationship to our spirit.

The chemical imbalance brought on by the observation to the shared event, sends a corrosive effect into the fabric of our physical biology. Years of ignoring the invasive effects of holding pain demands its sacrifice. The result of the invasion can be as simple as mild indigestion and/or tears, to something much more long lasting, such as cellular mutation. The alteration of cell structure can result in serious infections and can go as far as to accelerate the termination of the body entirely. We are never given the true understanding to the meaning of "That's life." Those words should be so unacceptable to the person as to eliminate the words from the vocabulary all together. The implication of the cliche is for us to disregard our health and harmony we must maintain with nature. The lack of consonance with nature is catastrophic to our person.

The reminders to correct the imbalance are endless. Each time we display a negative posture, it is a signal that the outburst insists on an investigation. Men are much worse at holding pain than women, by far. The very meaning of being a man is to isolate our mind from ones emotion. Holding pain, is more a condition of social acceptance than that of the design of the human body. Balance is a necessity in a corporeal and temporal reality. We can afford some imbalance, but only to a specified degree before the ravages of the imbalance alter our relationship with the world. The day of our birth we are subject to the rigors of human life. The precondition of the indoctrination insists on routine and the need to assimilate pushes one further from our source of guidance. Holding our emotional and physical traumas are a result of that conditioning. The holding of pain than produces a reaction to our person that is very bizarre in nature. We crave more pain even though it is detrimental to our being.

Not unlike my fellow inhabitant of earth, I too held my pain very close and guarded. By the time I reached my late twenties, I had forgotten why I was even in pain. My reaction to most everything and everyone was an overdose of indignation. "Anger leads to hate, hate leads to fear, fear leads to aggression"....... and so Yoda says. It's true what the Jedi Master reveals, in addition to the cumbersome burden of harboring pain, the pain also removes our ability to master any reality.

We recognize the pain of others because of our direct experience with it ourselves. I chose a very hard and painful childhood. I did so because I never wanted to forget its power over me. At the age of thirty-five my pain was as intense as it could become. It externalized into Crohns Disease, because I held everything in my intestines. The infliction had been with me for years but I did not realize it. My abdominal cavity was so inflamed at times that the pain disabled me. The pain I had nursed since adolescence, every last ounce of it paraded into my awareness begging me, forcing itself upon me to such a degree that it strained me to confront its purpose. The day of my thirty fifth birthday the disease crescendoed, I was hospitalized after a four-hour surgery. At the time, I did not subscribe to the idea that the "dis-ease" was caused by some undiagnosed and unknown source.

It is not necessary to go to such extremes to prove a point to yourself. I used the illustration to show the obviousness to the idea, the understanding that attached energy from a traumatic incident has a direct and immediate reaction to our person. Negativity, and its attachable properties is a connection that can be removed from our physical being. The energy masks itself in so many ways that it would fill volumes to elaborate them all. It is important to understand what it is and how it affects us. In the preceding paragraphs I hope that I have illustrated the idea to a point of clear understanding. In part two, I will share some ideas on how you can relieve yourself of your pain.

Part Two:

The necklace softly touched the palm of his twisted hand. The stranger's eyes sparkled with joy. As the cord curled into his opened palm, the stranger gently close his hand around it. I could feel the pain of being struck so hard that my body ached for days. Not from just the lashing but from the strain of tightening every muscle. My childhood was preoccupied with survival, and the crying was uncontrollable from the loneliness of having to face the world without help. I never showed anyone my outrage. I always kept it held deep down inside. All the hurt from my parental environment, slowly lifted from where I sat. Every negative thought and event that I experience as a child and young adult meandered leisurely before me, so that I could see it, for the last time. I could touch and feel it, ever so slightly, as if it dripped from the air in front of me. The anguish and long held emotion drifted slowly away and toward the outsider. The affections were not the sole responsibility of my parents. I knew with great certainty as I watch the events pass by, I had planned all of what had taken place.

As the last of it left my person the sensation was as strong as it is when you jump into cool water on hot summer day. I held my breath and closed my eyes as the realization of being set free, be-stilled me.

The preceding is an excerpt from Elements of Creation:
My pain, in all its unsightliness was lifted from my body held in a space that allowed me to understand what was taking place. Imagine if you can, being stationed in the midst of your life, but your existence is not in motion. As you look around the vicinity in which you stand each traumatic attachment is displayed in a way that is unmistakable to you. You are captured by the images and each of your senses is preparing to charge in the exact state it had when you first encountered the experience. As you pass yourself through each experience you relive it, but without the negative surge that allowed the trauma to attach to your person. The energy is there to overload your mind, but you are isolated from the emotional aspect of the experience. You began to realize that you are visualizing the experiences for its true intention. The whole while releasing it from your mentality. The anger and ugliness contained within is gone and you feel as though you can float into the center of the universe. Your happiness is so contagious, beyond any known expectation. Your joy and sense of freedom is so profound that it effects others that look at you from a distance.

We become so conditioned to a state of being that it clouds our ability to see what it does to others and more so to ourselves. Contained within our cells are a multitude of traumatic experiences. It took a considerable amount of energy to place them there and will take a considerable amount to remove them.

From my own abundant experience with pain, I can relay that there is a clear and concise way to eradicate it. Acknowledge that it exists in your life, pay close attention to what and how people say things to you. Do they use aggressive and hostile terms? Write down the negative phrases that others use when speaking to you. They will speak to you in ways that you recognize instantly, using descriptions that illuminate your pain or negativity.

Take the time to remember what you're upset about. You'll be surprised when you write down all the negative things that your memory provides. Don't leave anything out! This is not a simple task, and it will take quite some while to accomplish. Keep the list to yourself and add to it each time you think of another disappointment you have stuffed away from a time long since past. Each entry will trigger another lost anguished event and another and another. It's going to hurt to remember, but do not act on the pain, just finish the list.

After the list is complete read it again for the last time. Find someone that you can trust implicitly to whom you can recite the list to. If you cannot find someone or wish not to share it, than find a place, outdoors that you can be alone and read it aloud. Choose the outdoors, because when the list is read aloud in nature, it can be taken up by the stream of energy for whence it came. This will not be an easy thing to do. If it is easy then you have missed the point. Once the list has been read and been given back to the universe, then burn the list that contains the memories.

Human kind is always in the field of ritual. Most things we do are for ritual purposes. The mundane things keep us temporal rather than allowing our spirit to run free. Symbols are everywhere if we choose to look for them. Logging the pain on a sheet of paper is a symbolic gesture to our source, soul or spirit, that we crave to be whole with it again, by relating openly to it, without compunction. The act and energy required to step upon the road of liberty is not one that should be taken lightly. Once on the avenue, the transformation is unmistakable. Your spirit will be heard, in your mind as clearly as you can hear the lapping of water upon the shores of the ocean. Your life will take on a purpose, much different from the one you are presently occupied. Many books that have been and are currently being written on the subject of, the union to spirit, is a testament of the trip I spoke of. The authors can hardly wait tell the world of their sense of freedom. Their excitement is infectious and powerful enough to write a book. And those are the ones we know about. There are countless others that have found alternative ways to share their enthusiasm.

The experience is unique to each one of us and cannot be duplicated. The words that have been written on these pages are unique to my discovery and to my personal road to freedom. If you are waiting for some force to fill the void or take up the task for you, you will continue to wait. I have encountered some who feel that it is their mission to save all of humanity. Please understand that what you see in the mirror and encounter as you traverse the streets is your creation. It belongs to no other and no other will burden him/herself for you. He or she cannot even if he/she desired to, because it would become he/she's burden and no longer yours. Only you can help you. All the peace love and joy of the world can not help if you are not willing to take up the chore yourself. The task is yours, and do not be afraid. The worst possible outcome is that you get the tiniest taste of your spirit. It's addicting, so be careful.

The author always enjoys your comments. Bruce Luther can be reached at whiteoak@midwestinfo.com. His book, Elements of Creation can be purchased at Amazon.com.