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Have You Missed Your Soul Mate?
By Keishia Lee-Louis
Many people believe in love at first sight. They believe that in
an instant, they will know who they should be with for the rest
of their lives. Unfortunately, these unrealistic expectations
often end in divorce.
On the other hand, some couples spend 10 or 15 years getting to
know each other before marriage. They'll live together, make
major purchases, and even have children, before making a
commitment to get married. Unfortunately, many of these
marriages also end in divorce because even though they
committed with their heads (and maybe even their hearts) the
couple didn't know how to make a soul commitment.
Finally, some people go along being unhappily single. They
desire to be married, but they find themselves playing games
and dating without setting realistic personal goals for their
Maybe you're one of the people I've mentioned above. You're in
a relationship (or you're waiting for one), and you're wondering,
"Is this it? Have I really found my soulmate?"
What if I told you that knowing your soulmate has more to do
with knowing who you are and your level of commitment, rather
than finding the "perfect match" to complete you?
I bring this up because I came across a book entitled Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More
Than to Make Us Happy? It made me think about how true soulmate
relationships are formed: God prepares each individual and
brings them to a point where their souls can effectively be
knitted together for His purposes.
With this thought in mind, here are three ways for you to
recognize your soulmate:
1. The communication between the two of you is transparent. "In
his excellent book, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, John
Powell describes the five levels of communication: cliche, fact,
opinion, emotion, and transparency." -- from Starting Your Marriage Right by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.
Transparent communication means you and your partner can move
beyond the cliches, facts, opinions, and emotions to a level
where you are both vulnerable, but where truth prevails in your
relationship. Transparency doesn't come quickly for most people,
but when it does, freedom is not far behind. Transparency comes
only with courage, nonjudgemental attitudes, and most
importantly, trust. And this leads me to my next point.
2. You and your soulmate will trust each other completely. That
means you don't have to wonder if your loved one is doing
something inappropriate without thought to your wellbeing, or
without sound judgment. Trust comes when words and actions line
up to form a coherent picture of the person you love.
3. You and your soulmate know the meaning of unconditional
love. One may say, "Keishia, how can you believe in such a
concept in this day in age? This kind of love never happens in
I'm here to say that it does. If you've read some
of my other articles, you'll note all of the things that must
be stripped from a person's character (selfishness, pride, and
jealousy) in order to get there. We can't get there by our own
will, but rather by God's grace and by understanding His
nature. No matter how hard we try to do it in our own strength
and conviction, leaning on divine intervention is the only way
to rid ourselves of these three character flaws.
Ultimately, successful soulmates aren't just born at some point
in time or space to hook up by sheer coincidence. They are made
over time to be with each other for a lifetime. If you're
wondering where yours is, look inward and upward and you're
bound to discover more than what you've been seeking.
Keishia Lee-Louis has worked for iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and numerous other publications.
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