Venus is in Cancer now, and has been for a week or so. When Venus is in Cancer it brings together these two feminine influences. In general, this is favorable for our romantic relationships. At least both of these energies are accommodating and willing to please. Compromising and yielding to another's wishes is a big part of why relationships work. However (isn't there always a "however"), the nature of Venus compromise and Moon (the ruler of Cancer) compromise is important.
The moon is the energy in life related to motherhood and the selfless love a mother has for child. The selfless love of the mother is necessary for the child to grow, especially when a child is a baby. The helpless baby needs the mother to change the diaper, keep feeding them and providing for them even though the baby spits up, screams and cries, and does many other aggravating things. In spite of such unpleasantness, there is really no option in the mind of the mother. She takes care of the child - sacrificing her time, effort, money and everything else.
Venus on the other hand is the energy that negotiates and handles adult relationships. Not just romantic relationships, all adult relationships are related to Venus. But it is the romantic relationship that raises the stakes to its highest level and reveals the deepest nature of Venus. Ultimately Venus is related to wanting happiness. When we are young, we seek happiness for ourselves. We want to experience pleasure through the body and senses. Once we love another person though, we want to give them pleasure and happiness as much or more than we want to get it for ourselves. So we learn to yield our own desire for pleasure. Doing this teaches us that the universe doesn't revolve around us and our happiness. This realization compels us toward a higher nature of Venus, which is to find personal happiness in something eternal and universal.
So, back to Venus in Cancer. Even though there is a great capacity and desire to love your partner now and a feeling of identities merging, you must be careful with co-dependency, disappointment and sliding on those "nonnegotiable" issues. We cannot treat our romantic partner like our child for many reasons. The main reason is because adult, romantic relationships are not selfless, they are conditional. I know this flies in the face of a lot of modern, new age ideas that say we should "love everyone selflessly" - but it's simply not the case.
Romantic relationships are based on equality, mutual respect and accountability. If one person tries to selflessly love the other, eventually it' will feel abusive to one and smothering to the other. Imagine that scenario taken to its extreme. Imagine you let your partner live with you, you pay all the bills, you feed them, you drive them around, you basically take care of them like you take care of a child. How would that feel to you? Not very good. Yet if that person was our child, we wouldn't mind. That's what we would want to do. We must hold adults accountable as adults.
To illustrate the point, also consider the opposite. Let's say rather than having compassion and sympathy for the three year-old, we hold them to the same standards of emotional maturity that we hold an adult. The three-year-old throws a temper tantrum because they're jealous of their little sister and starts throwing things. So we say to them "that's it, get out of the house and don't ever come back here until you get that under control". That would be inappropriate because the three-year old does not have the emotional maturity to understand complex emotions like anger and jealousy. The forgiveness and compassion of the parents teach them.
But if we tolerate jealous, ranting rampages from another adult (with adult forms of power and cunning) - because we "Love them selflessly", we are just asking for trouble, and the trouble may even be deadly. A very high percentage of people who are murdered are murdered by their lovers.
Women especially must be careful with this desire to selflessly love their partners. Because women have a natural tendency to want to love selflessly, there can be great confusion around this issue. Venus in Cancer is especially susceptible to blurring of the maternal relationship and the romantic relationship. Especially if women have not had children, this can happen. I will say that many, if not most, of my female clients still have this "selfless love" idea and try to hold their romantic relationships to this "new age" standard.
So let me say here and now, all the women who are reading this, it is okay NOT to love your partner selflessly. It is a conditional love. That is appropriate. Of course, after a long time when a deep trust is established, selfless love flows easily. But even if you think you got selfless love down - you watch and see - one person starts to violate the relationship agreement - and there will be arguing.
Astrologically, the relationship house is the seventh house. It is a secondary career house (and a very important career influence). It is transactional, like a contract where two people have to play fair.
If you want to love something selflessly, get a dog or a cat. I'm serious by the way. Look at the way we treat our pets, that is selfless love. We serve the animal without regret or expectation. Every human being has the need to give love which is just as strong (or perhaps even stronger) than the need to receive love.
Venus will be in Cancer until September 14. So, enjoy that soft and sweet Venus love. It is quite powerful in Cancer. Be careful of the unrealistic longings, the disappointment in not "merging" and the co-dependency potential. The most beautiful part of Venus in Cancer is the spiritual potential. Someone like me, who is not really that interested in a relationship now, can really feel the devotion to God, love, beauty now. The love of teachings and life itself can be profound when Venus is in water signs - Pisces, Cancer and Scorpio. As with everything in life, every astrological placement and indicator is divine. The only real problem is ownership. We try to possess something that is not ours.
Everything is on loan - Even your body.
Nothing belongs to you. It all belongs to the mother.
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